Scissor Wars
by daniel radcliffe
Summary: Harry thinks Ron needs a haircut, Ron disagrees...


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or Hermione Granger, or Ron Weasley or any of them actually. I'm just using them for my own enjoyment.

A/N: Ok This fic was written some time ago during my history class where all we did was sit around and talk whilst we were supposedly doing our coursework…don't tell my teacher…conveniently for us though she was out of the room when this happened so we didn't get in trouble…my love to my history buddies for this idea!!

**Scissor Wars**

Harry was staring at his parchment in absolute amazement, he had managed to right Snapes 12 foot essay on the properties of Mandrake root and why it shouldn't be left in the hands of careless students in 3 hours and all he had left to do now before Quidditch practice was to cut the remaining length of his parchment. One small problem…he had no scissors.

"Hey Ron, Do you have any scissors?"

"Nah mate. Hermione does though."

"But she's not here."

"What?" Ron said bolting up and looking around the room for his bushy haired friend. "Oh! Where did she go?"

"To the library I think."

"Honestly what else can she do in that bloody library?! Anyway, just go through her pencil case." and he bent back over his work and started scribbling away at his parchment again.

"Fine, but if she blames me then its all your fault."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever!"

Harry reached across Hermione's arrhythmic work and took her pink scissors out of her pencil case. He carefully cut off the parchment ensuring that it was neat and straight, it wouldn't do to have Snape fail his essay because of a messy edge like last time. Harry shuddered.

Staring at the pink scissors in his hand and with nothing else to do, Harry started to play with them. Opening them and then closing them fast.

"Snip, snip, snip!"

"Harry! What are you doing?" Ron asked without looking up from his work.

"Nothing…" Harry replied in his most innocent voice, suddenly getting an idea of what he could do. I mean why go to Quidditch practice anyway, he was a seeker and he couldn't very well practice in the dark anyway, and besides Ron needs a haircut.

He leant slowly towards his red haired friend and used both hands to open the scissors up. All Ron saw before a strand of red hair hit the parchment he was working on was a flash of silver. He jumped out of his seat and fell on the floor - "My hair! My hair! Oh my god! MY HAIR!" The sixteen year old started running around the room screaming and wailing like the five year old girl that he was inside. "HARRY! What the hell did you do that for!"

"You needed a haircut." Harry replied putting his fist in his mouth to hold back the laughter that was spilling from his eyes.

"A haircut! A HAIRCUT! I DID NOT BLOODY NEED A HAIRCUT!! YOU NEED A BLOODY HAIRCUT!!"

" I do not! My hair is lovely the way it is, not a hair out of place or anything!"

"Harry not a hair is IN PLACE! You need a haircut!"

"No, why should I?"

" Because my hair was perfect! It didn't need Harry Scissorhands here to give it a bloody haircut! Look it was layered and everything!"

"Layered?" Harry replied laughing again. "Who layers there hair?"

"I do! It frames my face and highlights my manly chin." Ron replied protruding his chin with its one invisible hair and showing it off.

Harry could hold it back no longer, he laughed so hard that he had to grab the edges of the desk to remain standing.

"Oh, you think that's funny do you? Well how about I give you a haircut!" Ron asked, his temper rising as he snatched a pair of scissors that were laying around on the table by the girls staircase. Harry promptly stopped laughing and brandished Hermiones pink scissors again.

"I do not need a haircut, I had one just this morning!"

"Yes well it doesn't look like it. Who cut it? Professor Trelawney? I predict a great and terrible danger if these scissors touch your hair, oo."

"Ha ha, very funny! My sides are simply bursting at the seems…"

"Well they should be, your hair looks like a dog tried to eat it and threw it back up."

Harry saw red, literally, as he ran across the room and attacked Rons red hair with Hermiones pink scissors.

"Take it back!"

"Never!" Another lack of hair fell to the floor, and then another, and another, and another. The floor was awash with red and raven hair which Harry and Ron were rolling all over. This was the scene that Hermione walked in on ten minutes later, with a bundle of library books in her arms.

"What are you doing?"

Were having a scissor fight!" Ron replied casually whilst having Harry pinned down, and cutting another few locks of his hair.

"Whose scissors are those?"

"Well Harry has yours and I have…I think there Seamus's…"

"You do realise that Seamus uses those scissors to cut body hair, right?"

"Well yeah, but we all have to cut hair right?" Ron replied looking up, confused as to where Hermione was taking this."

Harry yelped and used Rons confusion to cut off another lock of Rons hair and to push him off. "Yeah Mione, we all need to cut our hair." Harry spoke brushing off a stray hair that a few minutes ago had been growing on his head.

"No, not hair as in that mop of hair on your head," Harry pouted. "but hair as in his pubic hair."

"WHAT! Ew, ew, ew! Gross! No, no, no, no no! I didn't need to know that Hermione! Gross." Harry rapidly brushed the remains of his hair as though trying to remove the remains of Seamus's pubic hair. He ran to his wand and cast several cleansing charms before he looked up and saw or rather heard Ron's reaction.

Ron was at present running around the room, waving his hands around wildly, and screaming his head off.

"RON!"

"What?" He replied stopping in his tracks and staring at his best friend.

"Your still holding the scissors mate." Ron looked down at his hands, and saw that the offending scissors were indeed still in his hand.

"Ew, ew, ew, ew."

"Also you shouldn't run with scissors." Hermione helpfully pointed out before ducking as Ron made throw them at her. Seamus plucked the scissors out of Rons hands as he was standing at the bottom of the boy's staircase.

"Thanks Ron I've been looking everywhere for these!" and he disappeared upstairs again. This started Harry laughing again as Ron resumed his dancing around the room screaming.

"I don't know what your laughing about Harry, I use the pen you've borrowed to mastubate with. See," Hermione reached over and picked up the pen in question. "you push this button and it vibrates." and she disappeared out of the common room, having dropped off her library books and taken the pen Harry had borrowed with her.

It was Rons turn to laugh now as Harry followed his example and ran around the room waving his hands around and screaming.

"'ere mate,"

"What?" Harry asked still running and screaming.

"I think I know what else you can do I a library now."

"Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew…"


End file.
